I really think about this A LOT. I reverse it, you know? To see if I can imagine what it's like. I can't, of course. Theory, sure - but so many of the blocks are missing.

Two thing I am certain of:

(1) that gap won't close if it's up to us. We are consciously taught NOT to center. Accepting centering - even if it is just to help move another beyond centering - feels to me like breathing water .

(2) it should be left to you - the choice and the consequences. In my paradigm centering is condemned. I accept that's not universal, and won't "make" you live a certain way when I will not be made to live a certain way. On the other hand, being self-centered comes at a price - ask Buffalo Quinoa man from the riots - he's facing six crimes, two felonies, held w/o bond. It would appear that it sucks to learn that it's really NOT all about you by the teachers in Cellblack C.

(3) I think there is a workable solution. We have no idea we are having two different conversations. Here is an example in the extreme - would a GANG rape victim problem solve with young adults learning sexual boundaries? Not likely. The thought would be absurd. If one can step back and use the obvious assumptions as a theoretical exercise and not a personal indictment, the paths forward for each get real clear. Who should the gang rape victim be speaking with about dismantling rape culture in the community at large? With whom should that young adult be explaining what s/he meant or did not mean or know or say or whatever? We can figure out how to signal "oops, you're in the wrong room" this gets a lot easier.