I appreciate the confusion here. Homie, to me, means "friend who will loves me so much she looks out for me."
I suspect you are correct: many would take offense. I can't explain that phenomenon - there is no universal reason. I agree it must be frustrating.
When I was in high school, my mother would occasionally drive my brother and me to campus. As young people full of themselves do, my brother and I fought for control of the radio. Once, my mother stepped in and tried to find music we would both enjoy.
She found one that played rap music. And then she began "rapping."
And my brother and I lost our collective minds.
She did it to annoy us, of course. And it worked, because she sounded utterly ridiculous. Not because she appropriated rap. Not because we felt protective of rap. Not because she was trying to relate.
But because those words, shared that way, did not sit well on her tongue. Did not fit in here mouth.
That is the basis of my objection when anyone who does not speak a certain way tries to vest that language. Mostly, b/c they sound stupid.
But also b/c I know regular words, and you have regular words, we have a shared understanding of our own inclusive words, and really - if you could just use those, that'd be great. I understand those just as genuinely.
I think what most get wrong here is that the "clique-like" vernacular of which you speak here is not a secret handshake. They are express terms that draw meaning from the CONTEXT. Like this:
"I love you for that" means one thing when some random guy at the supermarket reaches the last box of cereal for me on the top shelf b/c I clearly cannot reach it.
"I love you for that" means something else entirely when I say it to my husband after an argument.
And you would not say "I love you for that" to me hoping to replicate the intimacy I share with my husband b/c that would be ridiculous.
In the same way you calling someone "homie" to relate to them would be ridiculous if what it connotes does not exist in your relationship.
If you were to ask me my advice, it would be this: nothing cuts short the developing of intimacy. Especially not magic words of inclusion. Abandon the idea that says "I am listening to you and want you to know I genuinely want to connect, so I will use YOUR word of endearment so that you know this ." There is no such thing.
Just use your actual words. Let everything else go. Because unless you say "back me up" in your normal discourse, that sounds like something you might want to abandon.
Take care.
